Dead And Lovely
by BreakfastWithBlockhead
Summary: Murdoc meets a girl as broken and fucked up as he is. Set during the Kong Studios days. Rated M for drugs, language, sex, etc. WARNING: There are potential spoilers in the reviews, just a heads up.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gorillaz or any other artists, lyrics, films, TV shows, etc. that I reference in this story.

_A pill to make you numb_  
_A pill to make you dumb_  
_A pill to make you anybody else_  
_But all the drugs in this world_  
_Won't save her from herself_

**Prologue**

She panted, each one growing heavier and more audible. They weren't the pants of lust that Murdoc usually heard leaving her mouth. They were the frenzied pants of madness. Her eyes were wide, crazed, piercing. Suddenly, she tore at her hair and screamed. _No,_ thought Murdoc, _not screamed. _It was something else. Like a scream, but more. Exponentially more. A scream reaching such a multitude of rage, horror, agony and torment that a word strong enough to express it did not yet exist. Thousands of chills ran up the length of Murdoc's spine. The animalistic noise was one that Murdoc often felt rising in his own throat. Sometimes he was barely able to keep it down. He was painfully aware of what suffering it took to produce such a scream. When her mouth finally closed with a pitiful and heart wrenching sob, she fell to the ground, curled into a tight ball and quivered. That was the moment Murdoc realized that he might have a heart.

**/**

She'd been watching him from the other end of the bar for the entire night, looking over every few minutes. Once in a while, more frequently as the night progressed, she'd take a swig of the rum she held in her bony hand. Maybe that was what caught Murdoc's eye. That night, the bar brimmed with groups of slutty looking girls sipping Martinis or Smirnoff Ice coolers. The prissy high maintenance type, the bothersome kind. She stood out, chugging her rum like a seasoned alcoholic. Maybe it was the apathetic, glazed over look that resided comfortably in her cat-like eyes that made him notice her. Or it could have been the unnaturally long, chaotic golden waves flecked with dirty blonde that framed her pale heart shaped face. Whatever the reason, Murdoc was drawn to her, the almost sickly looking girl in the shapeless black dress and Doc Martens.

The two played games with their eyes all night. She'd look over at him and the right corner of her mouth would slightly twitch, the beginning of a smile. Then she'd look away. If he caught her looking he'd smirk at her, his devilish features curling up, grinch like. Their eyes would meet again and she'd dreamily raise an eye brow before taking in another mouthful of rum, sensually circling the rim of the glass with a thin finger. When a trashy looking groupie came over to him, she gave him an insolent wink, and he rolled his eyes in an impatient mockery of the groupie's desperate attempt to seduce him. But his eyes always found their way back to the golden haired girl with the sallow complexion.

The bar emptied out with the exception of Murdoc, his new, enigmatic interest and a few drunk and horny lovers left dirty dancing to the slow and sentimental songs that played through the loudspeaker. The kind of songs that are played in the early hours of the morning to encourage the late night stragglers to go home to their beds, and to the beds of their lovers.

Her head was sluggishly swaying to the music. Her eyes rolled back in her head and closed. When she opened them she saw Murdoc looking at her again. He slowly rose from his seat and somewhat drunkenly staggered over to her, sliding a hand around her waist and whispering into her ear: "Ello, Luv." His voice was deep and throaty. She could feel his warm breath on her neck. She let her eyes roam up his body, from the floor to the bloodshot, mismatched orbs that rested intently on her.

"Hello Murdoc Niccals," She replied in a raspy voice that didn't suit her face at all. She gave him a subtle smile. "What took you so long?"

"Traffic." Murdoc chuckled, sitting down on the stool next to her. "Slutty, desperate traffic. So you know who I am, eh darlin'? And who might you be?"

"Hmm? Oh, Cameron." Said Cameron, the rum making it difficult for her to focus. "One more for me, please." She said, to the bartender. She gave Murdoc a smile, adding, "and one for my new friend."

The two sat in comfortable silent for a spell, breathing in each other's scents. Murdoc's musk of cigarettes and booze, Cameron's of oranges and spice. She smelled warm, like the colour red. "You sure can hold your drink, can't you, Luv?" He grinned, looking into her dark eyes. She gave him a cocky shrug as their glasses arrived, downing hers in one fluid motion to punctuate his statement. She closed her eyes, rested an elbow against the bar table, a hand against her face and let out a satisfied, "Mmmmm."

"That hit the spot?" Asked Murdoc as he guzzled the rest of his drink, his green skin eerily glowing in the dim lighting. She nodded. "Then what do you say we head back to Kong?" He suggested, offering her his hand. When she hesitated to take it, he grinned and said, "Relax, Luv, I ain't the Big Bad Wolf." She matched his grin with a lazy one of her own, taking his hand and saying "But my, what a long tongue you have."

Murdoc couldn't tell if her tone was merely joking or obscenely lewd, but hoped it was the latter. He tested her, dipping his head to the left side of her neck and giving it a long continuous lick, collarbone to ear. "All the better to pleasure you with, my dear." Cameron shuddered. His hopes were confirmed. Murdoc pulled her up off the stool and into a pool of light cast by one of the brass hanging lamps. He held her close against his body. She was tall, almost the same height as he was. Getting a better look at her, he chuckled, realizing the reason behind her dazed and dreamy demeanour. "My, what large pupils you have. Whatcha on, Luv?" Cameron met his gaze, unashamed, but ignoring the question.

"Excuse me for trying to have a good time, Officer Niccals. Shall we be on our way, then?" She asked with mocking, exaggerated politeness. He held out his arm.

"After you, fair lady." He said escorting her through the door with a gentlemanly bow and less than gentlemanly intentions.

Murdoc floored the gas pedal of the Geep almost as soon as the key penetrated the ignition. The acceleration almost knocked me out and I loved it. The mix of drugs, booze and adrenaline sent endorphins pulsing through my body. Arms, chest, stomach, legs and somewhere in between the two. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this alive. He must have seen it on my face because he looked over at me with a pleased expression, pushing the pedal down further.

Sweet Satan, the girl looked like a mad woman! A caricature-like grin had taken over her face, and her wild hair was whipping around, pulling in all directions. She reminded me of myself at that age. The carelessness, getting high, going to bars alone and leaving in cars with strange, older women. Men, in her case. _Me, specifically_, I thought with a sneer. Impure and twisted thoughts danced around in my mind. She couldn't have been older than 20. Probably younger. But I didn't want to think about that. She seemed to be enjoying herself (_who wouldn't be enjoying themselves with the one and only Murdoc Niccals_). There was a mixture of adventure and anticipated lust etched onto her pale, animal face. She looked almost feline with her hazel, almond shaped eyes, small nose and sharp looking canine teeth. I lowered my foot deeper onto the gas pedal and grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

"I shtihll can't believe I'm sitting the infamous Winne-bang-o." Cameron slurred from the floor where she was sitting cross legged. She smiled crookedly, leaning back on her arms and looking up at Murdoc from under her heavily lidded, thickly black rimmed eyes. Murdoc, sitting on the edge of his bed, was still in awe from the pure quantity of alcohol she was able to put away in the short period of time that had passed since they'd reached Kong. This was his kind of girl.

"You'd better believe it, Luv." He said, topping off her near empty glass, his face contorting into a demonic grin. She nodded her thanks and then reached into the pocket of her jacket, pulling out a small, clear plastic bag with white pills inside it.

"Oxys." Cameron explained in response to Murdoc's questioning glance. "You want?" She asked, softly thrusting the bag in his direction. Murdoc shook his head.

"Thanks Luv, but no. I've been trying to stay away from the chalky white stuff, s'no good for my music, y'see."

"Oh," said Cameron, "right. It must be nice having all that potential to live for." She stated with a dry chuckle. She crushed two of the pills and arranged them into three neat lines on the table in front of her, briefly bending her head over them and making them disappear. Suddenly, she sat up straighter. "We need musthic." She bluntly stated, rubbing her nose. She stood up and walked unevenly to the old record player in the corner of the room surrounded by shelves of records. "Black Sabbath… Sex Pistols… Kinks… Bowie… every Gorillaz record made, you egotisthical bastard," Cameron said with a playful scowl and raised eyebrow, still slurring her words. "Tom Waits!" She smiled, slipping the record from it's protective covering and placing it on the turntable. The seductive, jazzy rhythm of Dead and Lovely filled the room.

_She was a middle class girl_

_She was in over her head_

_She though she would _

_Stand up in the deep end_

Cameron began to move her body in time with the music, oblivious to Murdoc's desire filled gaze that followed her as she danced around.

_He had a bullet proof smile_

_He had money to burn_

_She thought she had the moon in her pocket_

Her head rolled back as she swayed her hips from side to side, her hands running up the length of her body and through her hair. She extended her arms all the way up above her head, unwittingly thrusting her breasts forward and letting the cascading waves of amber fall around her thin shoulders. Murdoc lit a cigarette, still watching. She was like some kind of drugged up stripper-ballerina. Her movement was somewhat awkward and jerky, but at the same time sensuous and uninhibited.

_I've always been told to remember this:_

_Don't let a fool kiss you_

_Never marry for love_

She continued her raunchy dance, inching her way up to him, eyes still closed. He wasn't sure if she was moving towards him on purpose or if she was just lost in her own world of self-medication. She was completely captivating. She began softly humming to the tune.

_She made up someone to be_

_She made up somewhere to be from_

_This is one business in the world _

_Where that's no problem at all_

She was close to him now. He took a final drag and stubbed his cigarette butt out in the ashtray beside his bed. Her spicy scent wafted over to him with each delicate movement of her arms and suggestive twist of her hips. She turned her body to face away from him, still dancing and glanced over her shoulder. The shift of weigh caused her to abruptly loose her balance and topple back towards him. He caught her in his arms with a sinister snicker and dragged her onto his lap. "Alright there, Luv?" He asked. Her eyes rolled back, half closed and the corners of her mouth turned upwards.

"Just a tad lightheaded is all." She mumbled contentedly. A long minute of silence passed. Cameron shifted to straddle Murdoc's lap, already feeling a telltale bulge. He supported her from behind with his big hands, pushing her harder down onto himself. The atmosphere changed in a moment, from one of playful mischievousness to heavy sexual tension. Though it hadn't been explicitly stated, they both knew why she was there. She nuzzled his neck and moaned. "Mmmm Murdoc."

"Yeh, Poppet?" Came his thick reply. Their faces were only millimetres apart. Cameron looked deep into his eyes, her vision blurred by the extreme closeness.

"Get ready." She murmured hoarsely, before forcefully pressing her mouth onto his.

Murdoc readily reciprocated, slipping his long, snake-like tongue into her mouth. She unhesitatingly wrapped her lips around it and sucked, pulling it deep into the caverns of her mouth. An indication of what was to come. Murdoc shivered in anticipation. He wrapping his sinewy arms tightly around her shoulders, drawing her in, their bodies pressed together, her hands swiftly exploring every inch of him. He roughly ran his fingers through her tangled hair, jerking her head back in the process and exposing her neck. He regretfully took his tongue out of her warm mouth and began kissing her neck. He planted a fierce nip on the fragile skin below her jawline, leaving an angry red mark. Cameron took in a sharp breath. Murdoc looked back at her face, but rather than pain, he saw pure ecstasy. "You like it rough, do ya, Pet?" A throaty moan was her only response. He raked his nails up her bare outer thighs. Cameron pressed herself flat against his body, her chest moving towards his face. He hungrily bit at her breasts through her dress causing her to throw her head back and whimper in pleasure. His hands were clawing at the thin material covering her, vigorously trying to tear it away.

Cameron pushed Murdoc's shoulders back so that he was lying on the bed. Still straddling him and teasingly grinding herself into his crotch, she removed her dress, arching her back and causing her ribs to strain against her ghostly, pallid skin. Murdoc reached up, grabbing hold of her bony frame and pulling her back down for another deep kiss. The song had long since stopped, but they had replaced the music with a soundtrack of their own. She was now firmly rubbing herself back and forth over his hard, clothed erection, earning low, thick growls from him. Cameron herself was grunting with every dry thrust, getting more and more thirsty for Murdoc as the minutes passed. "Take," Grunt. "off," Grunt. "your clothes." She moaned, ripping at the black fabric that covered his torso. Murdoc violently rolled Cameron over, his tongue still in her mouth, and pushed her hard against the bed so that he was on top. He removed his shirt and grinned wickedly as he undid the button of his pants with an unhurried pace that Cameron found torturously slow.

She sat up, pushing his hands away from the button, desperately tearing it open herself.

"Eager, aren't we?" Murdoc smirked.

"Oh that's a problem, is it?" asked Cameron in a lust filled voice. "You're going to regret complaining about that, you picky geezer."

"HAH, you don't scare me, Luv. No one scares the great Murdoc Niccals." He guffawed condescendingly, tickling the underside of her chin as if she were a small child.

"Lie down." A husky whisper said into his ear, sending a chill down his spine. He reluctantly did as he was told, not used to taking orders. He fell back down against the bed and looked up at the exceptionally arousing sight in front of him. Cameron's lips were swollen from his abuse, thick caramel hair mussed and in nothing but her skivvies. Her chest was rapidly rising and falling, trying to contain the heat inside of her. She stared at him with a increasingly unnerving stare. Her eyes weren't on him, they were in him. Murdoc wasn't used to being looked at like that.

"Whatcha thinkin' Luv?" He asked nervously. She opened her mouth as if to say something and closed it again. Then said, "I'm just taking my time. I don't want to seem too eager, do I?" She asked in a voice that dripped with feigned sweetness.

Cameron let herself thud down on the bed next to Murdoc, propping herself up on her side with an elbow, her face level with his crotch. She halfheartedly tugged down on the right side of his pants, moving it no more than a few centimetres. Her left hand was drawing agonizingly gentle circles on his chest, her nails creating a light tingling sensation. She moved her hand back over across Murdoc's hips, briefly brushing against his hardness, now giving the left side of his pants a gentle downwards tug. Crystals of sweat appeared on his brow, understanding what she was doing. "Oh come o-" His complaint was interrupted by her suddenly, savagely ripping off his pants with both hands, exposing his boxers, and the throbbing appendage concealed in them.

Her eyes widened with false innocence and her eyebrows raised insolently as she crept over, positioning herself between his legs, resuming her tormentingly slow pace. She languidly brushed her lips up against the covered bulge, never breaking eye contact. Murdoc fought the urge to grab the back of her head and grind his crotch into her face for being such a fucking tease. He was rewarded when she pulled his boxers down and off, leaving him completely naked except for the gold inverted cross that hung around his neck. Cameron planted gentle kisses on his inner thighs and lower stomach. She bent her head down again, this time softly brushing the tip of her tongue from the base of his naked length to the tip. That put Murdoc over the edge. He groaned loudly and buckled his hips upward, winning a malicious smile from Cameron. She instantly took all of him into her mouth, rapidly bobbing her head up and down, once in a while reaching a hand down to give his balls a gentle tug or squeeze.

Murdoc's head span. "Fuck!" He said under his breath, "Bloody Hell that's good." Cameron's tongue seemed to be moving in all directions, covering every inch of him at once. She swirled it around the head, feeling a frantic hand tangle itself into her hair, guiding her movement. She could tell he was close. She crawled back up to Murdoc's mouth, letting him taste his own juices. He reached a hand around her back, expertly unclasping her bra and throwing it away. She looked at him through her half-lidded eyes, surrounded by smudged black eyeliner. He could see the drugs in them. She sat up straight letting the dim light fall onto her naked upper body. Murdoc leaned into her, taking a nipple in his mouth, suckling lightly before roughly biting down. Her breathing sped up, getting louder as he removed her underwear, roughly rubbing what he found underneath it. Her pants became piercing, feral moans. "Fuck me." She hissed softly into his ear blindly reaching down, her grasping hands attempting to guide Murdoc inside of her.

He hastily complied, putting on protection and once again rolling her over so that he could access her from above. Without hesitation, he plunged himself into her entrance, savagely groping at her near skeletal body and trying to go deeper inside of her. She cried out, a mixture of pleasure and searing pain as Murdoc ripped apart her insides. Both bodies were shaking with indulgence. Her velvety flesh clenching tightly onto him, making it hard for him to hold out. Rapidly thrusting, he leaned down to kiss her, simultaneously letting his calloused thumb wander to the small pink nub above her slit, furiously circling around it and rubbing it side to side. Cameron moaned into Murdoc's mouth, as his sharp teeth bit onto her plump bottom lip, sucking on it. With a final pant, Murdoc thrust into her again, finishing into the condom. He pulled out and dropped down beside her, having an absurd and unexplainable whim to take her into his arms. Instead, he dragged a long nail down the side of her face and gently brushed his lips against her neck in a soft kiss. Her eyes lazily fell on him, drooping shut in exhaustion and drugged stupor.

"G'night, Luv." Murdoc whispered, pressing his body up against hers and closing his eyes in satisfaction.

"Night, Murdoc." Cameron replied sleepily, burrowing her head deeper into the stained blankets and giving in to the waves of unconsciousness that enveloped her


	3. Chapter 3

Murdoc was awakened the next morning by sounds of movement. Remembering the previous night through the fog of his hangover, he fought off the urge to throw an empty bottle at the source of the unwelcome noise. He opened an eye to look at the glaring red numbers on the clock beside his bed. 6:18 am. He turned his head and saw Cameron moving about the Winnebago, half dressed, looking for a boot. "Leaving so soon?" He asked sluggishly, his voice still managing to startle her out of her search. She jumped slightly and turned around, an unreadable expression on her haggard face.

"Yup, sorry to rob you of the satisfaction of throwing me out." She said as she finished getting dressed. Her voice held subtle yet surprising sarcasm and animosity. Murdoc opened his other eye and looked curiously at her. He didn't remember doing anything to piss her off. He was pretty sure he hadn't blown his load in her eye, or put his cock in her arse by mistake.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his headache preventing him from sounding like he meant it. Cameron stooped down to pick up her missing boot from behind a pile of junk and looked over at him.

"Yeah, sorry. Comedown's a bitch." She muttered. Murdoc nodded. "Well," Cameron said with a hint of bitterness, "Bye." The door slammed behind her.

_What a strange doll_, thought Murdoc. He was accustomed to such bitterness the morning after a one night stand but usually it came after he'd told the bird to get out. In any case, it was nice that she'd saved him the trouble. He looked to the door. She was really something. Somehow, she didn't seem as disposable as most of the girls he brought home to warm his bed. She seemed worth a second shag, actually. She did have a magical mouth, and she didn't grovel at his feet. Murdoc liked that. He shook his head, shutting his eyes. No use thinking about it now, though. He rested his head back on his pillow, determined to fall back to sleep for at least another six or seven hours but it was made difficult by the unpleasant and unfamiliar feeling of dissatisfaction that he felt growing in the pit of his stomach.

Murdoc awoke many hours later after a fitful and restless sleep. He groaned, looking over at the clock beside his bed. It was now about 4 in the afternoon. He squeezed his eyes shut again, willing the sleep to come back. Nothing. He growled, throwing the covers off his still naked body and stepping out of bed. Scratching his ass with one hand and picking up a dirty pair of pants with the other, he tried to remember what had happened the previous night. He knew he'd brought home a girl, Cameron. A naughty smile spread across his lips as the memories came flooding back to him. Moaning, clawing, desperate, hungry nips and aggressive thrusts. And then her sudden brush-off. He frowned. _No one rejects Murdoc Niccals. _He pulled his pants on and yawned, walking out the door of his Winnebago to see if he could find some liquid breakfast in the kitchen. He made his way across the car park to the lift, impatiently pushing the button several times when he got in. His head was pounding, and he needed something to drink before his hangover kicked in full force.

The others had already eaten lunch, so Murdoc found himself alone in the kitchen, surveying the cupboard with squinted eyes, looking for a bottle of booze. Finding nothing, he angrily began grabbing the food items from the shelves and throwing them to ground. "Come on, dammit!" He muttered, tossing a can of baked beans over his shoulder. "There must be _something_ to drink in here…" He was so engrossed in his search that he didn't hear 2D enter the kitchen, coming to investigate the source the racket. He feared it was going to give him a migraine if it didn't stop soon.

"Ey Mudz!" Murdoc heard 2D call, irritatingly cheerfully from behind him. The bassist's face contorted with rage as he spun around, arm poised, ready to make contact with 2D's jaw.

"Not so loud, you twat! I've got a fuckin' headache." He growled, slowly lowering his arm. 2D took a cautious step back, hoping to avoid a beating.

"Sorry, Murdoc." He said softly. "You slept in pretty late, did you 'ave a nice night?" Murdoc slightly flinched at the question.

"Yeah." He said simply. He was still angry with Cameron for running out on him before he had the chance to… a chance to what? Throw her out? She was right, he did get some crooked satisfaction from kicking girls out after having sex with them. It was a power trip. And it aggravated him even more that she could leave so emotionally unaffected. He was used to having a much stronger effect on the women he brought home. It pissed him off.

His grasping hand finally closed on the neck of a bottle deep within the cabinet. _Good. _He wanted to get out of the kitchen before 2D noticed anything different in the way he was acting. When it came to emotions, the Dullard was unexpectedly perceptive. Especially for someone who had endured multiple head injuries and spent the majority of his time doped up on painkillers. Murdoc stalked past 2D, roughly shoving him out of his way and uncorking the bottle which he noticed, with some dismay, was rum. When he was safely out of the kitchen, a frown clouded his face, as he remembered the taste of rum on Cameron's tongue the night before. He pushed the memory out of his head and chugged.

Why was he still thinking about this? _Some pathetic psychological trauma from his childhood about being rejected by my father_, he supposed, disgusted with his own weak humanity. _Then again_, he comforted himself, _it could have just been that she was a good fuck, plain and simple._ _Yeah, that was probably it. _Regardless of the reason behind the situation, after a long day of stewing about it in his Winnebago, Murdoc found himself driving in the direction of the pub from the night before.

After parking, he walked towards the doors. As he neared them, his pace slowed. What exactly was he doing here? What was he hoping to accomplish? Ideally, he would come in to find Cameron sitting in the corner. She would walk over to him, try to seduce him. Beg him to sleep with her. Then what would he do? He could take her home to shag and kick her out properly in the morning like he should have been able to do in the first place. Order would then be restored. Or, he could just turn her down right then and there in the bar. _That would feel good. _Murdoc smirked and entered the pub.

However, there was one thing he hadn't taken into account. After scanning the dim room for quite some time, he had to accept that Cameron was not there. He grumbled, walking over to the bar and ordering a whiskey. Anything but rum. As soon as the glass was placed in front of him he put it to his thin lips, tilting his head back and downing it in a effortless motion. He ordered another, and another, and another. Drunken anger began hitting him in waves and soon, he noticed, the alcohol began to taste like blood. He touched his mouth, realizing he'd been biting his lip with such force that the skin had broken and the salty, red liquid was seeping into his mouth. After his fifth glass, he could barely stand. He'd been sitting there for at least two hours at that point and soon he grew tired of fending off the desperate fangirls and autograph hounds. He threw a few crumpled bills on the table and left, stumbling back into the biting night air.

Murdoc was seeing doubles of the neon fluorescent signs of the pubs and restaurants that lined the street and swayed in front of him. He blinked a few times, trying unsuccessfully to make his eyes focus. He'd left the Geep parked about a block down the street. Now, Murdoc wasn't much for safety and often drove himself home drunk, but he wasn't much for death either. He knew that he'd drunk more than usual that night, not to mention what he'd drunk back at Kong, and if he tried to drive in his current state there was no way he'd make it back home. He had to find somewhere to sober up. Looking to his left, he saw a small brightly lit diner. _It'll have to do_, he thought as he staggered in.

Squinting his eyes from the light inside, Murdoc made his way to a booth far in the back of the relatively empty restaurant. There were only a few other people in it: a sad looking old man with a cup of coffee and a newspaper, a frazzled middle aged woman eating a hamburger and a teenage couple kissing in a corner. He sat down with a heavy thud and flicked open a menu, his eyes skimming over the choices. It didn't take long for his churning stomach to reject the idea of food. He tossed the menu to the side and rested his dizzy head on the table. Soon he heard the clicking of shoes on the grimy white tile floors that signalled the arrival of the waitress. The footsteps abruptly stopped and he lifted his head, looking up into Cameron's surprised eyes. For a moment, neither of them said anything. They just looked at each other, neither knowing what to say

Cameron was the first to break the growingly uncomfortable silence, clearing her throat. "Uh, hey Murdoc." She said simply. Her voice held neither hostility nor kindness. If anything, she sounded somewhat amused at the awkward situation she found herself in.

Murdoc quickly tried to regain his composure and said as suavely as he could, "Ello, Luv." Cameron let a thin smile form on her lips, seeing through his false demeanour and noticing how inebriated he was. "I didn't really think I'd see you again." She said. "I guess I was wrong."

"I ain't fuckin' following you around if that's what your implying." Murdoc frowned.

"No, not at all." She answered truthfully. "Something to eat, then?" She asked, eyebrows raised and pen poised above her yellow notepad.

"No, no." He muttered distractedly. Cameron sighed. "Then what are you doing here?" Without warning, the nausea in Murdoc's stomach had suddenly worsened, and he quickly stood up. "'Scuse me a minute, Luv." He moaned, heading for the bathroom.

The whiskey spewed from his mouth the moment he hung his head over the toilet bowl. When there was nothing left for his body to expel, he knelt for another minute, dry heaving, black hair falling into his eyes. He clutched his stomach. The sickness wasn't just from the alcohol. He was sickened with himself for the ridiculous way that he let Cameron get to him. He stuck two fingers deep down his throat, trying to throw up again. He wanted to punish himself for how he felt. He wanted to purge himself of the pathetic feelings she evoked in him. He heard a knock on the door. He wiped his mouth and leaned over to open it. Cameron stood there with a semi-concerned look on her face. "You alright?" She asked.

"Fucking ace." He answered sarcastically. She helped him up and walked him back to the table, hesitantly sitting in the booth across from him. He cleared his throat, somewhat embarrassed that she had seen the great Murdoc Niccals vomiting like a high school girl who couldn't hold her liquor.

"So you work here?" He asked.

"Yup." She replied shortly, tucking a strand of her frizzy mane behind an ear. Murdoc snickered, pleased that the girl who had apparently thought she was too good for him worked as a server in a run down diner. Cameron heard his arrogant laughter and frowned, adding with some resentment, "We can't all be big shot rock stars who get paid to do what they love and have everything fed to them with a silver spoon." Murdoc's body stiffened. _Wait a sodding minute, who the hell did she think she was?_ His face hardened, and he said, "Hold it right there, Luv. You don't know the first thing about my life."

Cameron rolled her hazel eyes. She knew she had a habit of speaking without thinking, but she also knew that she was right. "Oh come on. Don't give me that, 'Let's all take a moment to pity the tough and trying lives of the more fortunate' bullshit." Murdoc was outraged. _What was this bitch's problem?_

"Watch yourself, woman." He growled, shooting her a chilling glare. She returned his look and stood up from her seat. She knew she was picking a fight. "I was right about you. I'm glad I didn't stick around this morning. You're just a sullen, insufferable old wanker."

Murdoc stood as well, giving her a withering glare and saying loudly, "You didn't seem to think so when you were _fucking _me!" Some of the customers and employees in the diner turned to gape at the two.

Cameron scoffed. "What is that, some low attempt to embarrass me? Like I could give a shit! Say it as loud as you fucking want. Go write me a song about it. I literally couldn't care less." She stormed away from the table in exasperation and into a door labelled "Kitchen," letting it slam heavily behind her. Murdoc glanced around the room at his open-mouthed audience.

"THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?" He bellowed, furiously stomping out the door.

**/**

Cameron slumped down against the wall in the empty kitchen, sitting on the filthy floor. She rested her elbows on her knees, arms extended, allowing her head to dangle between her legs. She focused all of her attention on the once white tiles of the floor. They were stained a dull and dirty grey, like week old snow. She felt sick. For some reason, she thought of the time when she was seven and she shit her pants in church. She'd ran. Out the doors, into the streets, all the way home. She hid in her room. Her parents and brother had not returned until after the service ended. When they did get home, her mother admonished her for running off. She'd told Cameron that she was a stupid girl. Frequent emotional abuse had caused Cameron to agree at the time, but she still didn't appreciate her mother telling her so.

Cameron liked to run. When she was young, she ran on grass, on pavement, on the sand at the beach. She liked to focus on a point in front of her. A tree, or a house, or a rock. It made her feel good to close the distance between herself and the chosen object. Now, when Cameron ran, she always focused on an object behind her and smiled as it got smaller and smaller before eventually fading out of sight. Whenever something scared her or made her feel things that she didn't want to feel, she ran. Recently, she'd taught her self to run before the things had a chance to make her feel anything she didn't want to. She'd done this once already this morning, and again a few minutes ago.

A sound at the door startled her from her thoughts. She sluggishly raised her head, suddenly feeling exhausted. Phil, the man who cooked most of the food for the diner, as well as owned it, was standing in the doorway. "Cam, time to close up. Go clear the tables." He was a strange looking man. Short and slight with a moustache that made him look like Ron Jeremy in the 80s. She remembered what her Grandpa had told her once, never to trust a skinny cook. Cameron nodded, not bothering to remind him that she didn't like being called Cam, because it rhymed with Spam, and it made her think of pale pink, rubbery lunchmeat, something that she did not like to be associated with. She struggled up from the ground and walked through the door of the kitchen, back into the dinning area. She was relieved to see that Murdoc was gone. She gathered the smeared plates and crumpled napkins from the tables and brought them back into the kitchen. Then she wiped down the tables and scraped the gum from underneath them. She grabbed her oversized green jacket from the storeroom where she'd left it at the beginning of her shift and walked to the exit.

"Night, Phil." Cameron called as she walked out the door of the diner, not waiting for his response and hoping to escape before he thought of anything else for her to do. She zipped up the cloth jacket and pulled her long hair out of the neck of it. She walked down the street in the direction of her apartment, sore feet dragging on the ground. She happened to glance down an alley to her right, and saw a black figure huddled there. Taking a closer look, she noticed that it was Murdoc, passed out against the brick wall.

She shook her head and kept walking. She managed to walk almost half a block before she let out a frustrated groan and muttered. "Godammit," the guilt causing her to turn around and walk back the way she came. When she reached Murdoc, she firmly slapped his cheeks, trying to revive him to no avail. "Mrhurgsmphmls," He mumbled incoherently, before slipping back into unconsciousness. Cameron reached into his pocket, relieved to find a cellphone in it. She opened his contacts. She scrolled through the countless number of girl's names (most likely prostitutes), liquor stores and bars until she finally found something helpful. She clicked on Russel's name, recognizing it as one of his bandmates and sent a text: _Passed out. Please pick me up. In an alley on Croxwell Street across from The Blue Cap Pub. _Deciding that she'd been helpful enough to quiet her conscience and sleep easy that night, Cameron put the phone back into his pocket and resumed her long walk home.

Cameron lived in a dilapidated one room apartment. The walls were a soiled yellow colour and the floor was made of scuffed up, unfinished, soggy wooden planks. She had a bare mattress in the corner, a tiny kitchenette against one wall and an ancient brown and green striped couch against the other. There was a small balcony near her bed facing west and a door that led to a minuscule, cramped bathroom on the same wall as the couch. _Home sweet home, _thought Cameron as she threw her jacket down on the floor beside her "bed" and crawled onto the lumpy mattress. When she moved out of her house at the age of 16, she could hardly believe her luck when she found such an affordable apartment. Originally, she had intended it to be a temporary arrangement. Just like dropping out of school and her job as a waitress. But now, almost two years later, she feared that this was becoming her life.

She had left home rather suddenly, and she didn't have the means to be picky. The apartment's shabbiness was a small price to pay for her freedom. She'd left school so that she could make enough money to support herself.

She thought of her parents house. It was large and lavishly decorated, with doilies and fresh flowers on the rich mahogany tables and impressionist artwork lining the walls. There was a crocheted wall hanging in the dining room with The Ten Commandments stitched onto it. Her parents would often wordlessly point at it when she did something they thought was wrong, which was often. The house was formal and suffocating. Like a museum, Cameron had often felt like she couldn't touch anything. She frequently felt the need to ask permission before speaking, laughing, breathing. She thought of the night that she left. The anger, the shouting, the harsh words, the blows. The violence, the hurt, the tears and screaming. She hadn't talked to them since. Cameron absently traced the faint scars on her upper arms. _"Spare the rod and spoil the child." _She heard her father saying in his detached and cold voice. She flinched at the recollection, pulling her coat from the floor and over her frail body. She took a few pills from the pocket, crushed them and sniffed them up her right nostril. Food was expensive. So were the drugs, but at least they suppressed her appetite. And helped her forget.

Within a few minutes, a familiar warm numbness spread throughout her body. She lay for what felt like a few minutes (but was really a few hours) and eventually fell asleep. She dreamt that she was running down a busy street. She instinctively turned to look behind her at a parked car, determined to make it disappear with her speed. She sprinted away from it as fast as she could, but it stayed the same size. She looked down at her feet, the asphalt under them slowly dissolving into the shiny silver rungs of a hamster wheel. Cameron was static. She couldn't move. She woke up in a cold sweat, crying, like she did many nights.


	4. Chapter 4

**Glad I got this uploaded by midnight. Happy Birthday Murdoc, you loveable, fictional devil.**

**/**

"Mornin' Rus! Mornin' Noods!" 2D said walking into the kitchen, pulling a chair up next to his bandmates and affectionately ruffling the small girl's hair. Noodle was hungrily devouring a plate of pancakes that Russell had made and Russell was chugging a cup of coffee. "You look really tired, Russell. Everyfing okay?" Russell moaned, covering his face with his hands and putting his head down on the table.

His voice came out muffled, "Man, Murdoc texted me at 3:00 am last night telling me to come pick his drunk ass up. That cracka is like a big, green, smelly, alcoholic baby. Only he ain't cute and cuddly."

"Awww, he's not that bad!" 2D said loyally.

Russell rolled his eyes. "You just go ahead and say that if he ever pulls _you _out of your warm bed in the middle of the night to drag him out of some alleyway."

2D shrugged. He'd be willing to do almost anything to gain Murdoc's approval. "I wouldn' min-" 2D was interrupted by stomping footsteps just outside the room. Murdoc burst in wearing only a tight pair of underwear and the irritated scowl on his face.

Russell's hand quickly shot over to cover Noodle's eyes. "C'mon, man, that's nasty."

Murdoc stuck his middle finger up at him and staggered over to the fridge.

Russell sighed and threw a dishtowel that had been lying on the table over to Murdoc who reluctantly wrapped it around his waist. Russell took his hand off Noodle's eyes and said under his breath, "That's some thanks I get for picking you up last night." Murdoc stopped for a moment before he opened the refrigerator door.

"Oh, is that how I got home? Hmm, don't recall…" Murdoc said, preoccupied and unconcerned as he rummaged through the fridge for a beer.

"You texted me saying you were passed out and gave me the address of where to come get you." Russell said. He was annoyed, though not surprised, at Murdoc's lack of appreciation. The bassist's eyebrows shot up as he took a swig of beer.

"I did no such thing. Look mate, I was pretty rat arsed but I didn't text yeh. I was out cold." A sudden realization hit Murdoc. Cameron? He knew he had been near where she worked, maybe she had seen him and…? _Nah, why would she do that?_ Murdoc thought, _the bird obviously can't stand me. _

Russell shrugged. "Well, whatever happened, you'd better be damn grateful that I came." He stood up, clearing his and Noodle's empty dishes from the table. "And now," he yawned, "I'm going to back to sleep." He walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Murdoc groaned, rubbing his pounding head and looking over at 2D. "Oi, Faceache. Got any of them pills?" 2D was hesitant. He didn't want to give any of the precious capsules away. "Didn't you 'ear me Dullard? Pills. _Now!_"

2D heard the rising impatience in Murdoc's voice and fumbled through his pockets, quickly producing the small orange bottle and holding it out to the irritated man. "'Ere."

Murdoc snatched the bottle from the boy's hand and twisted the cap off, pouring two pills out and swallowing them with a gulp of beer. He carelessly tossed the still open bottle back to 2D, the pills spilling out of it and onto the floor. "Good boy. Now was that so hard?" Murdoc asked with a patronizing grin as 2D knelt to pick the pills up. Noodle gave Murdoc a murderous glare and muttered something in Japanese before bending down to help 2D gather the fallen pills.

Satisfied that the pills had started to take effect, Murdoc headed back to his Winnie. Once inside he ripped the dishtowel off his hips and replaced it with a pair of tight black pants. He took El Diablo off of it's stand and began to play the angry bass line of Murdoc Is God to drown out any of the approaching thoughts of Cameron that plagued him when he was alone. He had a vague remembrance of the fight they'd had last night and he had come to the conclusion that she was just a moody, sullen child, jealous of his lavish lifestyle. She had probably hoped to use him for his money or something, the slag, although that still didn't explain why she'd been so cold. He played louder, trying again to silence his thoughts. He got more enthusiastic as he played, nodding his head along with the music and singing the lyrics. He needed to remind himself that he, Murdoc, was in fact God, and some whiny little bitch couldn't change that.

**/**

Cameron awoke that day at around one in the afternoon with a headache of her own. She had gradually been noticing that she was starting to grow a dependence on the OxyContin she'd been taking in the last few months. She'd consumed her few remaining pills the previous night and was already feeling subtle symptoms of withdrawal. Her muscles and bones were aching and she felt slightly nauseous. She rolled out of bed and stumbled into her tiny closet of a bathroom, getting undressed and stepping into the shower. She turned on the water as hot as it would go and leaned weakly against the wall, assessing her current situation: She hadn't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday. She had no food, no drugs, and no money. And wanted to see Murdoc._ "_Fuck." She said with a sigh.

She'd known that she would regret leaving the pub with him that night. She admired Murdoc and his music more than she liked to admit and the last thing she wanted was to become emotionally attached. He was different than most of the boys and men she had been with, which was quite a few. He satisfied her need for rough and violent sex. Cameron liked playing with fire, and Murdoc was as close to inferno she would get unless she turned up in hell. That was why she'd tried to leave before he woke up. He was addictive, and she'd gotten hooked the first time that they were together. Feelings like this made people weak, which was something Cameron could not afford to be. But stupid and reckless as she was, she'd gone home with him and fucked him. And now she wanted to do it again, even though she knew it would be impossible. That was how men like him worked. Once they had something, it lost it's allure. It became bland, boring. Like weak tea, watered down and unappealing, suitable only for the garbage. The shower suddenly turned ice cold, but Cameron didn't scream or jump. She was used to it, the faulty plumbing in her building. She shut off the tap and wrapped a towel around her small frame, quickly drying off and putting on a Pixies t-shirt and jeans.

Sitting down at the edge of her mattress and looking at the floor, Cameron silently wondered what to do with herself. She had the day off work, which was frustrating. She really needed more money, and being busy there would have helped to take her mind off the painful withdrawal symptoms she was experiencing. For that matter, if she was working right now, she'd be making good money in tips and wouldn't even have to be dealing with the withdrawal. She restlessly stood up, pacing the small room for a few minutes before putting on her baggy army green jacket and stepping out the door.

After walking a few blocks, she realized she had no idea where she was going. Where she wanted to go, that was clear. She wanted to go back to Kong, to sit with Murdoc in his filthy Winnebago, to kiss him, to touch him, to feel him roughly pushing himself into her. She mentally shook herself, trying to rid her head of the futile and silly thoughts. _Get your shit together, _she told herself. She'd always considered emotional suppression to be one of her strong suits, and it would take more than some smooth-talking, bass-playing womanizer to make her forget that.

Cameron, becoming aware that aimlessly walking the city was a stupid thing to do when she should be conserving every last bit of energy her malnourished body had to offer, headed back to her apartment. Once there she crawled back into bed and fell into a semi-concious trance in which the only thing she felt was the dull, aching of her sore and exhausted being. She stayed that way until the next morning.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been nearly two weeks since Murdoc had seen Cameron. In that time, he had brought countless women home with him. A different one every night, sometimes even two or three. They were the usual sort: grovelling, ditzy, obnoxious. They looked at him with a blind adoration that disgusted him. They were like stupid dogs. They uttered the shrill, high pitched moans of low-budget pornstars and tried too hard to be sexy. He could tell that they were fucking him because of his band, his money and his fame. They were phoney, in short, as fake as their cheap boob jobs. The satisfaction he got from them lasted only as long as his climax did, and then he was left with a revolting and bizarre feeling of desolation. He'd often physically throw the women out of his Winnie now, enraged and offended by their presence.

The strange thing was that most of it never used to bother him this much. He used to feel that women were women. They were synonymous, each one a duplicate of the next. They could all be neatly placed into one pile whose sole purpose was to bring him sexual gratification. This was how he felt before spending the night with Cameron. In the past few days, he'd finally come to terms with the fact that he was attracted to her in a way that surpassed a single one night stand. It definitely wasn't love, Murdoc was pretty sure he was incapable of anything like that. But there was something about her long, caramel coloured mane of wild hair, her sleepy hazel eyes and her skinny, charmingly awkward body that captivated him.

However he couldn't deny that what he felt was more than just physical attraction. There was something in the way that she talked and the way that she moved. Everything she did was effortless and carefree. He liked the way that she spoke her mind. Although it had infuriated him at the time, her attack on him at the diner was intriguing. He had always been annoyed on some level by women who were too easy, girls who fawned over him and knelt at his feet. He loved having worshipers, but he sure as hell didn't want to shag one of them. Cameron had stood up to him, and it was not often that someone had the balls (or death wish) to do so. If it had been anyone but her, he would have pummelled them, beaten them to a pulp. But with her, it only added to her appeal. She matched him.

It had been nearly two weeks since he had seen her and he'd finally caved in to the realization that he wanted to see her again. It was about 11:45 pm, and Murdoc hopped into the Geep, hopefully, but not expectantly, heading to the bar where he'd first met her.

**/**

While Murdoc slept with whores and groupies, Cameron had been occupying her time with drugs and one night stands of her own. She'd saved up her tips from the diner and bought enough meds to keep withdrawal at bay for at least a week. She'd been spending a lot of time in pubs, effortlessly seducing her unsuspecting victims. She had to admit, it was starting to get tedious. Tonight, she was at the pub where she'd first met Murdoc. She didn't know why, but that night she'd found herself walking in its direction, not realizing where she was going until reaching the door.

At about 11: 30, she'd noticed a serious faced, gangly young man, probably in his early 20s, seated with his clean-cut and conservative looking friends. He was staring intently at her from behind the glass of white wine he was nervously sipping. From the way he staggered when he got up to use the washroom, Cameron could tell he was pretty drunk. He didn't look like the sort of person who drank very often, though. He wore a cross around his neck. Not an inverted one like Murdoc wore, the one that had knocked up against her breasts every time he thrusted into her during intercourse, but a small silver one, clearly intended as a religious statement rather than a satanic one. _He's probably a virgin,_ Cameron thought wickedly, deciding that, seeing as how she had nothing better to do, her goal for the evening would be to change that. At least it would give her something to do.

Amused at his interest in her, the grungy, intoxicated girl sitting morosely in a dark corner, she beckoned him over. He looked behind and to either side of him before pointing to himself with raised eyebrows. _Me? _He seemed to be asking. Cameron gave him a sinful smirk and nodded, tugging the front of her burgundy dress down to give him a better view of her chest. He falteringly shuffled over to her, two red spots appearing on his cheeks. When he reached her he opened his mouth, about to say something, but Cameron cut him off with a small shake of her head. She knew before he had even spoken that she would have no interest in anything that came out of his mouth. She figured she'd save them both the trouble. She rose from her seat and led him into the bathrooms in the back of the pub.

The sex was awful, ludicrously awkward and clumsy. Cameron enjoyed herself to some extent despite this and felt an unexplainable satisfaction in knowing that the poor religious boy would likely wake up the next morning filled with regret, praying to his non-existent God for forgiveness. The whole ordeal lasted a little over five minutes and Cameron had been trying so hard to fight the laughter in her throat that she hadn't felt any sort of pleasure at all. The boy had climaxed with a feminine grunt, and only seconds later, his face washed over with guilt and horror. He fled the bathroom, and by the time Cameron savoured a cigarette and re-entered the pub area, he was gone. He was gone, but Murdoc had apparently come in while she was in the bathroom and was now standing across the room, green and glowing in the murky light.

Cameron nearly collapsed from the shock. She quickly ran back to the bathroom to hide, locking the door behind her and leaning heavily against it. She let out a shaky breath. _Why am I being such a coward about this? It's what I wanted, isn't it? To see him again? _She opened the door a crack and peeked out. Murdoc was propped up against the bar table, drinking a glass of scotch, his eyes roaming around the room. _Could he be… looking for me? _This _was _the pub where they had met, but Cameron doubted he'd want to see her again after how their last meeting had gone. She was painfully aware of and embarrassed by how bitchy she had come off.

She walked over to the sink and splashed cold water in her face, hoping to clear her thoughts. _It was only Murdoc, _she told herself._ Just go say hi. You'll hate yourself if you don't. _She nodded her head decidedly and stepped back to check her reflection in the mirror. She tugged discontentedly at the dark bags under her eyes and ran her fingers through her unruly hair, trying to make it behave. Smoothing her burgundy dress around her hips and and applying some lipstick of the same colour, she anxiously stepped out of the bathroom.

She was cautious, like a baby deer. It was a rare occasion that someone made Cameron feel nervous. Usually, it was the other way around. Cameron tried never to place so much importance on something that it had the power to make her feel nervous, but she had no idea what was going to happen, and it scared the shit out of her. Murdoc's back was turned to her, and as she closed the distance between them, she felt sort of creepy, sneaking up behind him like some kind of rapist or something. She quickly dismissed the sudden ridiculous urge to grab his ass and instead, when upon him, cleared her throat loudly and tapped him on the shoulder. _Smooth, _she thought sarcastically. Murdoc whirled around at the sudden touch, coming face to face with the girl. "Hey Murdoc! Good to see you." Cameron blurted out pleasantly. She was surprised at her own honestly, but she really hadn't realized how good it was to see him until she was actually there, standing in front of him.

Murdoc couldn't believe his eyes. Unmasked surprise marked his face. The last time they talked, it had ended in shouting and sharp insults. Now, she sounded almost happy to see him. Not that he was complaining, of course. He was more than willing to forget their argument and apparently she was too. All notions of getting even with her had disappeared.

"'Ey Luv. How's it going?" He finally said.

"It's going." Cameron replied with a small smile.

Murdoc shuffled his feet. Cameron looked at him. He looked so inviting in the shadowy light of the pub. Cameron felt a melancholy nostalgia. She wondered where tonight would lead them. _Hopefully, back to Kong, _Cameron mused. Murdoc interrupted her thoughts. "Long time no see, eh? What yah been up to?" He asked. He seemed at ease, and it made Cameron feel secure as well. Maybe he was willing to put her shit behind them.

"I think I may have just taken some Jesus freak's virginity." Cameron laughed, taking the glass of scotch from Muroc's hand and finishing it.

He laughed too, his slight jealousy overshadowed by satanic admiration. "Oh yeah, Luv? Why's that?"

"Nothing better to do, I guess." Cameron said, shrugging. She hoped Murdoc would pick up on the hint. She had waited long enough.

"Until now, that is." He whispered in her ear, his familiar gruff voice bringing back delicious memories and causing a stirring in the pit of her stomach.

"Let's go." Cameron said, looking at him with longing eyes.

"Where to?" Asked Murdoc, raising an eyebrow and immediately taking note of her appetite.

"Anywhere." Cameron smiled, walking towards the door with Murdoc in her wake.

"Anywhere" consisted of first going to the liquor store. Murdoc parked the Geep and the two stumbled out of it and into the brightly lit building, goofy grins plastered their faces. "One bottle of zee most sensuous and luxurious wine zat you carry een zeese establishment pour moi et mon Cherie." Murdoc said to the man behind the counter in a terrible French accent.

Cameron burst out laughing, hitting him softly in the side. "Mon amour," she whispered to Murdoc with a giggle, "use your etiqueette." The man behind the counter rolled his eyes, pulling a large, expensive looking bottle of red wine from the rack behind him.

"That'll be thirty pounds." He said humourlessly. Murdoc threw some bills on the counter and snatched the bottle, uncorking it with his teeth and taking a long swig. Cameron pulled the bottle from his mouth and she too guzzled a fair amount.

"To the Geep!" She called, holding the bottle up in the air in an imaginary toast. Murdoc snorted in laughter, putting his big hands around her waist and guiding her out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

"You still haven't told me what you want to do, Luv." Murdoc remarked, briefly taking his eyes off the road and looking over at Cameron. They were sitting in the Geep, racing along a near deserted stretch of highway. Cameron had no idea where they were headed, and she wasn't too sure Murdoc did either. She put the bottle of wine to her lips and tipped it upside down, emptying some of the the sweet, fruity liquid into her mouth.

"Hmmm. I want to go somewhere quiet. Somewhere nobody else goes so we can be completely alone." She implied with a filthy smile. She put a hand on Murdoc's inner thigh and slowly moved it upwards, stroking the sensitive area with her thumb. Murdoc groaned inwardly, hands tightening on the wheel.

"I know just the place." He said revving the vehicle, accelerating it to a breakneck speed. He stared straight ahead, his face completely blank except for the intense look of concentration it held. Cameron took it as a challenge and moved her other hand up Murdoc's chest, eventually letting it come to rest gently gripping the base of his neck as she leaned in to give it a long kiss. He tried in vain to keep his attention on the road, slightly tilting his head back to give her better access.

"I've been thinking about this a lot." She said briefly removing her mouth from his rough skin to whisper into his ear in a deep sultry voice.

"Me too." Murdoc said through gritted teeth. Her hand was slowly working his groin, rubbing and cupping it in a tender caress. The Geep swerved dangerously across the lanes, whipping it's preoccupied passengers around.

Murdoc took a white-knuckled hand off the wheel and reached under Cameron's dress beneath her underwear, rewarding her actions with a teasing massage of his own. He exerted just enough pressure to make her breathe heavily and grind herself harder onto his hand in longing. A raspy moan slipped out of her lips when his finger stroked her length, hole to clit. "F-f-uck." She spat out, a small spasm shaking her body. Murdoc grinned, pulling away and licking his fingers, tasting her lust, before putting the hand back on the wheel and once again focusing all his attention on the road. Cameron pouted and removed her hands from him as well, reaching for the wine bottle and taking another swig. She dangled it in front of Murdoc's face and he took it in his mouth, guzzling almost half of it. Cameron took the bottle back and drank from it again. "Are we almost there?" She asked impatiently. Murdoc nodded, turning off the highway and onto a dark side street. The lights from the main road faded away and a dense forest seemingly sprang up out of nowhere on either side of the Geep. Tall fir trees loomed over them and Cameron began to wonder where they were going.

After a few minutes, a clearing appeared ahead of them with what looked like a small, run down factory in the centre of it. A giant, ominous sign reading, "PRIVATE PROPERTY, DO NOT ENTER" was stuck into the ground by a path leading to the building. Murdoc brought the Geep to a screeching stop and took the key from the ignition. At once, heavy silence descended upon them. "What is this place?" Cameron asked curiously.

"It's an abandoned glass manufacturing plant, Luv." Murdoc casually replied, getting out of the vehicle, then adding, "It's about as isolated as we're gonna get."

"How did you even find this place?" Asked Cameron still clutching the wine bottle as she too stepped out of the Geep and followed Murdoc up the long path towards the building.

"Used to come here when I was younger with my mates to sacrifice cats to Satan." He said with a grin, the upper corners of his mouth seeming to curl all the way up to his ears.

Cameron rolled her eyes. "You're fucked up, you know that, Murdoc?"

Murdoc yanked her arm, pulling her close and forcefully pressing her body up against his. "Yeah, and it's one of the reasons you find me so irresistible, ain't it, Dollface." He growled, leaning in to take her bottom lip in his teeth and nipping it roughly. Cameron's hands slithered under the fabric of Murdoc's shirt as she trailed her nails up his wiry back, blinking slowly and looking at him. Her eye makeup always seemed to be smudged, giving her a tired, junkie look. "Let's go in then, yeah?" He asked with a mischievous smile, his sharp teeth shining menacingly in the moonlight.

After ripping away the boards that covered the entrance, Murdoc and Cameron went inside. Cameron found herself in a large run down room with a high ceiling and broken windows that scattered the light from outdoors onto the grey cement floor. There were huge machines and conveyor belts organized into neat rows, rusting and falling apart from years of neglect. Cameron's footsteps echoed eerily as she followed Murdoc down one of the rows, finally coming to a metal door on the far wall. Murdoc opened the door, holding it for Cameron and walking in after her. Now they were in a completely empty room, about half the size of the one they'd come from. It's cement walls were completely covered in graffiti. Cameron noticed a large pentagram on one of the walls with the initials M. N. near the bottom righthand corner of it. Murdoc came up and stood beside her. "Peaceful here, is'nit Luv?" Cameron nodded. It _was _peaceful.

She sat down on the cold floor, leaned back on her arms and looked Murdoc. He was standing slouched against the wall lighting a cigarette, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. His eyes were on the ground, but didn't appear to be focused on anything. He smoked in silence, occasionally flicking the ash off the butt of his fag. "HELLO!" Cameron suddenly shouted, cupping her hands to her mouth, the sound loudly echoing off the walls. Murdoc jumped. "HELLO! IS ANYONE THERE?" She continued shouting. Murdoc smiled, recognizing the opening lyrics of M1 A1. Cameron sprung up and sauntered over to Murdoc, seizing the cigarette from his mouth and taking a long drag. "It's creepy in here." She stated, exhaling the smoke from her lungs. Murdoc merely nodded, still staring off into space. "Are you okay?" Asked Cameron, "You're not saying much."

"Yeah Luv, fine. Just thinkin', y'know? Been a while since I've been here. Brings back memories." Murdoc said in an uncharacteristically soft voice, dropping his cigarette and stubbing it out with the heel of his cuban boot. Cameron didn't realize it, but the years during which Murdoc came here were not very pleasant ones. He'd spent many nights sleeping in this very room of the factory to avoid his father's cruel, unprovoked wrath. When he noticed his father angrily tossing empty liquor bottles at the wall, he knew it was time to go. Sometimes though, he didn't leave in time. Unpleasant recollections came flooding back to Murdoc and he took the wine from Cameron's hand, finishing the rest and vehemently tossing the bottle away. He was starting to sober up and he needed something to make the pleasant numbness return. She gave him a worried look but decided not to press the matter. If he wanted to open up to her, she knew it would have to be on his own terms. She instinctively reached for his hand, fully expecting him to yank it away. However, he let her hold it, an intimacy which he did often allow.

Murdoc cleared his throat, finally coming out of his trance, irritated he had let his feelings come to the surface. "'Ey, you got any drugs on ya?" He asked hopefully.

Cameron shrugged and smiled. "Always." She reached into the pocket of her jacket, pulling out the small plastic bag containing her recently replenished stock. She went over the familiar motions of crushing the pills and neatly arranging them into lines. "After you." She said generously, "You look like you need it." Murdoc smiled gratefully and expertly railed the pills. _There were some things, _he thought bitterly, _a person never forgot how to do. _Cameron went next, snorting the other half of the lines. She signed contentedly. Murdoc began to feel the drug's warmth growing inside his body almost immediately. He lay down flat on his back on the cool concrete and closed his eyes.

Cameron lay down next to him, resting on her side and studying his face. He didn't have attractive features on their own, but somehow when put together, they were flawless. They were Murdoc: the crooked nose, green skin and thin mouth. Now, his usually scowling face was relaxed and almost completely blank, except for the slightest upturn of the corners of his mouth. After a few minutes his eyes flickered open and he sat up. Cameron could see that he was feeling the effects of the pills, and she was too. The beautiful euphoria and feeling that everything was perfect and wonderful enveloped her mind and body. The perturbed thoughts that usually plagued them both had dissipated into the divine, fuzzy glow.

"I've always wondered," Cameron mused dreamily, looking at the pentagram on the wall, "where satanists are supposed to go when they die."

Murdoc cocked his head. "Well Hell, of course."

"Hmm." Cameron said.

"Why do you ask?"

"I've just always wondered." She replied. "I think about death a lot. It's interesting."

"Where do you want to go when you die?" Murdoc asked with raised eyebrows.

Cameron bit her lip, trying to think of how to verbalize how she felt on the matter.

"Well," she started, "when I was little and I went to church, I always wanted to go to heaven. The way the pastor described it sounded lovely. Like the feeling that I get when I'm like I am now, drunk and on drugs. Of course, I didn't associate it with that at the time. But who wouldn't want to spend eternity like this?" She looked down and frowned. "Chances are, though, Heaven is bullshit. Just something people believe in because they're too cowardly to face the nothingness of death. If that's what death is, I mean, I don't really know. I don't think there is any way to know until you've died. That's the way I see it, anyway. I guess that's why I find it so interesting…" Cameron trailed off, thinking that she had probably started speaking in unintelligible drug-induced ramblings. "I guess you're not afraid to die, are you?"

Murdoc snickered. "No, I'm sure there'll be a smashing welcome party for me when I get to Hell. Should be a blast. Are you afraid?"

"I don't know." Cameron said unsurely. "I don't think so, I just hate not knowing. Sometimes I want to die just to find out."

Murdoc smiled. "You're charming when you're morbid, Luv." He chuckled sarcastically, having had enough serious talk and trying to bring back the lusty mood from earlier. Cameron winked, eager to comply and scooted her body over to his. He put his arm behind her back and pulled her closer to him so that they were touching, facing each other. He heard her breathing speed up in anticipation as he rubbed his hand up and down her side before removing her jacket. Cameron felt his warm mouth sucking on her collarbone and his hands wrapping around her waist. He turned her body around so that she was facing away from him and she could feel his growing hardness poking into her from behind. Murdoc's hands snaked between her legs, kneading the mound that connected them. It was only covered by the thin material of her dress and underwear, allowing her to feel every slight caress and causing her to squirm against his touch, gasping quietly. He moved the hair from her neck and pulled its skin deep into his mouth. Cameron dug herself forcefully into his groin in return, hearing him growl into her neck in response.

She rolled over and got on top of him, placing a thigh on either side of his hips and bending back on her knees, kissing his jean-covered bulge. Her long, tangled hair covered her face like a curtain, hiding the expression of lust etched onto it. She moved her body back up to melt into the crevices of his and ran a hand through his hair, letting it come to rest at the back of his neck. Murdoc abruptly thrust himself upwards, hitting her most sensitive parts and causing her to moan loudly. He engulfed her open mouth in his and rammed his tongue into it, nearly choking her. She reciprocated, kissing back before dragging her tongue up the contours of his jawline and nibbling on his earlobe.

Murdoc had just pulled Cameron's dress off and thrown it across the room when the pair was suddenly awakened from their world of pleasure by the sound of approaching police sirens. Cameron jumped off Murdoc, running to retrieve her dress. "What the fuck?" She yelped, hurriedly stepping into her clothing and pulling her jacket onto her shoulders.

Murdoc sat up straight and shook his head. "Dunno, Luv. Must be some sort of motion sensor security system or somethin'." He muttered. "Never used to be one." He stood up and reached down, adjusting the erection that was painfully straining against his pants.

"We have to get out of here!" Cameron shouted, completely panicked. She could hear footsteps approaching the front of the building. "If they see us they'll probably search us and then they'll find my Oxys." Murdoc's eyes widened in alarmed realization and his eyes frantically darted around the empty room. The sound of the police's heavy footsteps could be heard, entering the room next door. Their only means of escape was a small window on the back wall of the building. It would be risky, but they had no choice.

"C'mere!" Murdoc whispered hoarsely, motioning Cameron over. He picked up the empty wine bottle and whipped it at the window, luckily shattering it on the first try. He boosted Cameron through the window first, then struggled through himself, cutting his hands on the shards of glass along its frame.

They ran wildly across the tall grass, Murdoc clutching Cameron's wrist with his bloody hand and practically dragging her along. She glanced back, seeing the decrepit factory getting further away in the distance. For once in her life, she felt a tinge of distress caused by running away from something rather than her usual satisfaction. She realized that she hadn't wanted the moment with Murdoc to end. For the first time in many years she had been more or less content. They finally reached the Geep and the two sank into its seats. Cameron let out gasping, relieved laughter. "Go! GO! DRIVE!" She shouted, hitting his arm and grinning, out of breath. Murdoc chuckled maniacally and floored the gas pedal.

"Where to now, Luv?" He asked with a devilish smile. "Want to go rob a museum? Set something on fire?"


	7. Chapter 7

As the Geep spun back down the deserted road, Cameron laughed. "Actually," she said, "if it's all the same to you, I'd like to finish what was so rudely interrupted." Murdoc nodded with a grin of agreement. "Can't think of anything I'd rather do. Going back to Kong's out of the question though. Russel's having a huge party with all his friends from the US tonight. We wouldn't have any peace and quiet, the damn Yanks would be everywhere. Your place?" Cameron suddenly realized what she'd got herself into. She didn't have a "place," really. It's not like she could call her apartment a home and she was afraid of how her minuscule living space would look to someone like Murdoc. It occurred to her that he had no idea how poor she was

"Eh, Luv?" Murdoc asked after not receiving and answer.

"Uh, yeah sure. I guess." Cameron replied reluctantly. She'd hate for him to judge her poor living conditions, or even worse, pity her for them. She unhappily bit her lip. "Just go left." She said as Murdoc turned back onto the highway, nodding. Cameron continued giving him directions until they pulled into the worn asphalt parking lot behind her building. She tried to see it through new eyes, hoping that maybe it wasn't as shabby looking as she believed it to be. She was wrong. Upon careful inspection, she realized it was even worse. The old bricks of the graffiti covered building were crumbling away and some of the windows were cracked or boarded up completely. The structure was filthy, covered by a thick layer of grime from its lack of maintenance.

"This the place?" Asked Murdoc dubiously, scratching the back of his head.

Cameron nodded and tried to speak confidently, but instead ended up squeaking, "Yes," as she opened the vehicle's door and stepped onto the pitted ground. Murdoc followed, and the two walked towards the small door on the side of the building. It led to a stairway which was illuminated by sickly yellow tinged lights. The walls were dingy and discoloured. The two walked up the steps in an almost suffocating silence aside from the sound of the echoes of shoes on the grey cement. Murdoc followed Cameron up six flights of stairs, finally reaching the landing at the top. "Sorry," she apologized, "I'm pretty sure the elevator hasn't worked since before I moved in." Her face flushed in mild humiliation. _I'm so goddamn poor, _She thought unhappily as she opened the door and went into a cramped hallway, walking down three doors and stopping at hers. She pulled the key from her jacket and opened the door, letting Murdoc in. He didn't even try to hide his astonishment at the tiny, near bare room he found himself standing in. "Welcome to my humble abode." Cameron said blankly, closing the door behind him and taking off her jacket. She sat down on her mattress with a small thud.

"It's ahhhhhhh…" Murdoc started, not quite sure what to say, "It's um…"

"Crap." Cameron finished for him. "Yes, I'm aware." He looked at her. _Here comes the pity, _Cameron thought. She was wrong though. The real cause for Murdoc's silence was how familiar it all felt to him. He hadn't been born in to riches, in fact, the place where he grew up was uncomfortably close in appearance to where Cameron was living now. He could see the defensiveness on her face, recognizing it as the same kind of stubborn pride he displayed when he was young and children made fun of him for being poor. He'd give them a look just like the one she was giving him now before knocking their teeth in. In the few times they'd been together Murdoc had sensed that Cameron protected her independence ferociously, so he didn't express the foreign feeling of compassion he had for her. _Actually_, he thought, _I shouldn't be feeling any compassion for her at all. I can't afford to start caring about this bird. _"I've seen worse, Luv." Murdoc finally said sitting down next to her on the bed.

Cameron had begun to feel dizzy after not having had anything to eat that day. She weakly smiled at Murdoc and lay down. "Well," she said dramatically, trying to direct his attention away from her apartment, "aren't you going to have your way with me?" He chuckled and lay down next to her, inching closer. Nuzzling her neck, his hands began to peel off her dress. Cameron lay, unmoving. As he touched her she suddenly began to notice a bizarre feeling of being invaded upon. Not sexually, but emotionally. Murdoc was feeling her up in her apartment. _Her_ apartment. She'd never had anyone but herself in it before. All her one night stands happened at the man's house, or a motel. She's sooner fuck someone in an alleyway than allow them into her personal den, the one place where she let her guard down, where she let herself sob convulsively and punch the walls in frustration and wallow in self pity. And now Murdoc was there with her, his hand cupping her breasts and mouth kissing her neck.

Eventually taking notice of her lack of responsiveness Murdoc stopped, looking at her with confused annoyance and arching an eyebrow. "Wake up, Luv, been waiting a while for this." He said, adjusting the bulge in his pants. Cameron was roused from her thoughts.

"Sorry," she said, "I think I just need a small pick-me-up." She got up from the bed and walked over to a small dresser against the wall, her near naked figure lit up only by the extremely faint tawny amber glow coming from a small lamp on the table. Murdoc watched her naked breasts slightly bouncing as she moved. She reached into the drawer and pulled out a small bag of white powder, snorting some up her nostril and smiling. "All better." She said, becoming aware that she'd taken about three times as many pills since she'd met Murdoc than she ever did before. She found herself more and more in need of their numbing effect. She returned to bed and lay down beside him. _For Satan's sake, she's as bad as 2D_, Murdoc thought, shaking his head. _Well, whatever gets her in the mood._

He crawled on top of her and experimentally resumed the kiss, this time somewhat softly on her lips. He gingerly moved a hand to her chest, roughening his grip when she began to kiss back. Her hips plunged up to meet his. _There she was, _Murdoc mused with a satisfied smirk. He liked her more this way, writhing under his touch, than when she seemed troubled and unstable. That was too much responsibility for Murdoc. He knew just as well as anyone that he wasn't equipped to deal with other people's emotions and problems. He would just find some way to fuck them up even more.

Soon, his thoughts dissipated into the cloudy lust of the moment as he felt a hand slowly squeeze his erection through the stiff material of his pants. He in turn began to kiss his way from her swollen lower lip to her shoulder, nipping at the skin there before moving his mouth to a breast, teasingly flicking his serpent tongue over her small, hard nipple. Cameron wrapped her legs around Murdoc's hips, grinding his hardness into herself and moaning. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt, desperately wanting to feel his green skin on her ivory. Murdoc took his mouth away from her chest, sitting up and allowing her to pull the shirt of his body. Her hands immediately went to his sides, bringing his torso back down to meet hers. He felt her breasts pushing flat into his chest and he dug his groin into her with extreme force, finding it more and more difficult to control his body's movement. Even if he'd wanted to stop, he knew he wouldn't have been able to. He roughly grabbed Cameron's hips, viciously digging his fingertips into the soft skin and relentlessly pushing her harder onto him.

They kissed again, pulling away and breathing heavily into each other's mouths. Murdoc slid his hand inwards from her hips and pulled down her underwear, placing his palm over her mound and gently cupping and un-cupping his hand, fingers teasing her wet entrance. Cameron groaned and buckled her hips upwards, trying to feel more of the incredible sensation created by Murdoc's calloused caress. He dragged his tongue over her slippery clitoris causing her to half sit up and clutch the mattress, sharply drawing in her breath in ecstasy. He continued working the nub with his tongue, occasionally biting down with his pointed teeth. He bit down just hard enough to make her whimper in mild pain, whimpers that often turned to cries of pleasure within seconds. Murdoc grinned wickedly, pleased that he was able to have this effect on her.

He felt her crawl out from under his touch and push him onto the bed. She took his pants off and after treating his bulge to a few firm strokes, removed his boxers as well. Cameron didn't tease Murdoc tonight at all. Her craving for him was too strong. She immediately closed her mouth around his entire length, sucking and rapidly bobbing her head. The back of her throat seemed to disappear as her eyes shot up to look into his, causing a shiver to run up his spine. The sight of Cameron with him in her mouth, hazel cat eyes staring up at him and loose golden ringlets hanging around her face was almost enough to make him finish right there. She flicked the tip of her tongue over the sensitive underside of his head, eliciting a strangled groan from his throat. He could see his juices on her lips. Jerking him with one hand, her mouth traveled below, taking a ball deep into her mouth.

Fearing that he wouldn't last much longer, Murdoc hesitantly withdrew himself from Cameron's inviting mouth and kissed her sloppily. He turned her around and entering her from behind, making her flinch at the sudden penetration. He leaned over her body and brushed the long hair from her back and began biting, kissing, and sucking on the translucent skin. Her small moans got louder and more erratic with each time he pushed into her, the sight and sound of her arousal turning him on almost much as the cause for it. He pulled out and flipped her onto her back, wanting to see the pleasure on her face. Cameron held onto him tightly as he moved in and out of her, arms wrapped around his back with her fingers spread wide, gripping his sweaty skin. She didn't want to let go. She wished his body would absorb hers so she could be a part of him. His thrusts could have ripped her in half and he would still never be far enough inside of her to satisfy her need for his closeness. He soon climaxed, grunting loudly and rolling his head back in ecstasy. Cameron followed soon afterwards, arching her back and moaning his name. They both flopped down onto the mattress, exhausted.

Cameron looked at Murdoc. He looked strangely handsome as he lay there, chest rapidly rising and falling from his climax. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted him to stay and talk with her, to ask her about her life. She wanted him to hold her close enough to smell his musky masculine scent and have him stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. She wanted him to miss her when they weren't together. She wanted him to love her back. Cameron's heart suddenly sank and she felt tightness rising in her chest. _Did I just say I wanted him to love me BACK? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck. _Her head span. After all the work she'd put into not falling for anyone, especially him, here she was lying in bed with a man almost old enough to be her father and feelings that he would never reciprocate.

_When Cameron looked back on the next few moments the following morning, she regretted them. She realized she shouldn't have panicked. She should have just suppressed her emotions and gone to sleep, enjoying the warmth of Murdoc's slumbering body next to hers. Cameron had no idea that this would be the last time they would lie together like this. She'd realize that she should have basked in the fleeting moment of post-sex sweetness. But she didn't._

"You can go now." She said flatly, oblivious of what was to come.

**/**

_If I get too close you wake me up _  
_remind me softly to go_  
_If I forget won't you wake me up _  
_Remind me not to feel a thing_


	8. Chapter 8

Murdoc wasn't sure what to feel. He knew he was annoyed, angry and definitely confused. But he wasn't sure if it was with himself or with Cameron. _Why had this happened again? _She'd once again controlled the situation, she'd called the shots and he hated it_. _It was bad enough that she robbed him of the chance to kick her out the first time they fucked, but now she'd kicked _him _out? That was too far. He shook his head, infuriated, and stomped down the stairs on the way to his Geep. He flung open the door at the bottom of the stairway, feeling pleased when it opened so far that it hit the brick wall outside with a loud, satisfying bang. He stalked towards the vehicle, checking the time on his phone. It was just after 4 am. Hopefully Russel's friends would be gone, or at least would be passed out so he could get some much needed peace and quiet. He threw himself heavily down on the seat and put the key in the ignition, staring the engine and turning back onto the main road.

Seeing how Cameron lived explained a lot. It explained why she was rail thin, why she'd been so reluctant to have him back to her flat, why she had bitterly lashed out at him for his riches and fame in the diner that night. He wondered how long she'd been living like that, and if it was the reason behind her sulkiness. Maybe it had something to do with the way she constantly pushed him away after they had sex. _Not that I should mind, really._ He was irritated and a bit worried that he had to keep reminding himself not to care. He gripped the wheel tighter, nails digging deep into the flesh of his palm, hoping that the pain would divert his attention away from the troubling thoughts. It didn't.

Cameron reminded him a lot of himself at that age. He often saw much of himself in her, a likeness in disposition that sometimes came too close for comfort. It was erie at times, like he was looking into a mirror. He could read her expressions well, recognizing them as ones that used to (and when he was alone, sometimes still did) mark his face. He didn't like the tortured sadness he often saw flash in her eyes when she thought he wasn't looking at her. It hit close to home. Her face held what he desperately tried to keep away at all costs, hiding from the feelings behind booze and sex. He wondered if she had a Sebastian Jacob Niccals of her own in her life.

He pulled into the carpark at Kong, staying in the Geep for a few minutes after he'd turned off the engine. He wasn't sure why, but he had an odd sensation of not being able to get out of the vehicle. The will to move was not there, and his body felt numb. He sat frozen, mismatched eyes directed forward but not focusing, hands still clutching the wheel. He was roused from his trance by Russel coming into the carpark. Russel had been cleaning up the mess of beer bottles and red solo cups left by his friends when he heard the roar of the Geep approaching Kong. He was feeling drunkenly good-natured and wanted to check on the almost certainly inebriated bassist before he went to bed. "Yo! Muds?" He called, walking over. Murdoc's head snapped up, startled by the sudden sound.

"'Ey Russ." He said. If it had been 2D, he would have taken out some of his frustration and punched the Dullard. But because it was Russel and he didn't want his nose broken for a 9th time, he simply asked, "Didja have a good night?"

"Yeah man, it was off the heezy!" Russel said enthusiastically, affectionately punching Murdoc on the shoulder. "How was yours?" He asked.

Murdoc sighed. "It was fine, mate."

"You get some ass?" Russel questioned with a wink and a nudge.

"Yeah." Murdoc answered expressionlessly. "I'm going to bed. Night Russel." He found the strength to get out of the Geep and stagger towards his Winnie. He slammed the door behind him, leaving the bewildered drummer standing with a confused look on his face. _Why's Muds so bummed if he got laid tonight? _Russel wondered. He figured that sex was pretty much all Murdoc needed to be happy. The big man shrugged his beefy shoulders, dismissing the mild concern. Murdoc was prone to moodiness. _He probably picked up a drag queen by mistake or some shit like that, _Russel thought, laughing quietly to himself as he walked back into Kong to finish cleaning up before he passed out for the night.

**/**

Cameron was a mess. She'd woken up the next morning after her night with Murdoc feeling miserable. She stayed in bed all day, not caring that she was missing work and would likely be fired for it. She couldn't find it in herself to care about anything. She lay apathetically, staring unblinkingly at the dirty wall of her room and thinking about what a fool she was. It never ceased to amaze her how consistently she fucked up her interactions with other people. Murdoc had seemed pissed off when he left, and understandably so. But she'd been scared, no, terrified of what she was feeling. The idea of Murdoc leaving her was almost unbearable. That was why she forced herself to make him go. She had to convince herself that she was still strong enough to say no, to hold herself back from doing things that would end up hurting her, no matter how much she didn't want to resist them.

It was backwards, she knew, but she wasn't sure what else to do. She was gravely aware that she was on the brink of depression. It crept into her sometimes, gnawing at her insides and threatening to make her go insane. That was why she couldn't afford to let Murdoc hurt her. She was standing on the edge of a cliff and below her was a sea of inevitable and all-consuming anguish. It wouldn't take much for her to fall off and be dragged to it's murky, sorrow laden depths. She loved Murdoc and his rejection of her was the only thing with the power to make her drop. And she knew that he would never love her. If her own family, her own flesh and blood didn't love her, how could she even begin to think anyone else would? Especially Murdoc. If a person didn't receive love from those who were meant to love them, they never stopped looking for it. Though it never occurred to her, Cameron had spent the better part of her young life subconsciously hoping that someone would love her and prove her fears wrong. But all that seemed to find her was loneliness and isolation. So she was forced to cope the only way she knew how.

That night, she snorted nearly 4g of her pills, an amount that approached dangerous, almost toxic, territory. She followed the pills with large gulps of the "emergency" vodka she kept in the cupboard, soon loosing count of how many swigs she took. She drank until the burning substance tasted like water, flowing easily down her numb throat. Her stomach rejected the alcohol almost immediately, however, and she ran to the bathroom, vomiting convulsively. Her shoulders shook as the pure, clear liquid, unmixed with food of any sort spewed from her mouth. She leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down to sit on the cold, cracked tiles. She felt dizzy and lightheaded and her vision blurred, making it difficult to see.

She tried unsuccessfully to stand up, stumbling and falling back against the wall. She giggled drunkenly, grasping the basin of the sink, pulling herself up and looking in the mirror. "Mmmurdoooooc you silly old man, this is your fault. Why don't you love me?" She asked her reflection. Suddenly, her eyebrows knit together and her face became angry. "Don't give me that look!" She shouted, banging a fist on the wall. There was no answer, of course. "You're me! I can control you!" She erupted into a fit of mad cackles, leaning her face into the mirror and pressing the tip of her nose onto the glass. "I seeeee youuuu! I see intooooo you!" She smirked at her reflection, "You're sick." She stated maliciously, voice dripping with poison.

Cameron backed out of the bathroom, cautiously keeping her eyes on the person in the mirror until she was out of sight. Cameron was sat on her mattress. She compulsively tapped her hands on her knees, having a strange sensation that if she stopped moving, she would become paralyzed. She jerkily lay down, covering her head with a pillow. She'd begun to hear what sounded like thousands of people murmuring, the voices seemingly coming from the inner canals of her ears. "SHUT UP!" She shrieked abruptly, throwing the pillow from her head, jumping off the mattress and backing into the corner of the room. Hair covered her face and she was breathing heavily, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. _I have to keep moving, _she thought anxiously, waves of panic washing over her body. She paced the room, swiftly striding from one wall to the other, back and forth at least twenty times.

She grew tired soon, and picked up the near empty bottle of vodka and went onto her balcony. She bent over the rusty iron railing and looked down at the dark, spinning street. As she leaned hazardously over the ledge, she guzzled the remainder of the bottle. She carelessly tossed it off the balcony, hearing it crash on the unforgiving asphalt below. "HELLO!" She shouted. "IS ANYONE THERE?" She was answered with silence, except for the occasional sound of a car speeding by beneath her. The sight was beautifully hypnotizing. The ground seemed to swirl and the pretty headlights of the cars reminded her of the candles on her 5th birthday cake and the first time her mother hit her. When she'd been asked if she liked the bible she'd been given as a present, she truthfully answered no, at that age barely knowing how to read. Her mother had soundly slapped her face, calling her a worthless, ungrateful wretch. Cameron had been too upset to blow out her candles.

The wind made her hair float around her tear-stained face like an amber halo as she focused on the headlights below her, thinking that maybe if she went down and blew them out, she could make her wish. She could fix her problems and repair her damaged life. Everything would be okay. _Everything will be okay! _ She thought with a smile. She climbed onto the ledge of the balcony, preparing to jump off. The thought occurred to her that if she didn't make the jump, maybe that would be another solution, another way of fixing her problems. She wondered if there was a heaven.

**/**

**A/N: Quote: **(If you don't receive love from those who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.)** from Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It: Scenes from a Life**.


	9. Chapter 9

Murdoc had been lying on his bed smoking a cigarette and listlessly flipping through a porno magazine when he heard a knock on the door of his Winnebago. It had to be past midnight and he wondered who the hell had dared to come bother him at this hour. Whoever it was knocked again. "Stop that bangin' I'm coming!" He shouted irritably, tossing the magazine to the floor and rolling out of bed. He opened the door, eyes widening in disbelief at the sight he saw behind it. Russel was standing there in his pyjamas, supporting a very intoxicated looking Cameron with one of his arms. The large man said tiredly and with some annoyance, "Murdoc, I have no problem with you inviting chicks over this late, but please, _please _let them in yourself. I'm fucking sleeping, man." Murdoc simply nodded, still too surprised to get mad at the drummer for lecturing him like a naughty child. He let his eyes drift to Cameron. She was standing there in what he assumed to be her pyjamas, an oversized grey t-shirt that reached almost to her knees and black boots. She had her green coat thrown haphazardly over the shirt and she looked like hell. Her hair was tangled, her eye make-up smudged and she looked more pale and sickly than usual. He could tell she was definitely drunk out of her mind and probably extremely high too from the way that her eyes briefly rolled back in their sockets every time she blinked.

Now, she was looking up at him. "I wanted to see you." She slurred with a sluggish smile. "I ran all the way here." Russel noticed that Murdoc's hands were clenched, from anger or from something else, he couldn't tell. He turned to the bassist with a questioning glance, worried about him and the odd girl hanging limply off his large arm. "Uh… everything okay man?"

"Everything's fine, Russ." He said, taking Cameron's arm and guiding her into the Winnebago. "I'll take it from here. Thanks mate." At this point the drummer was filled to the brim with confusion, but he was too exhausted to ask questions. He shook his head and shrugged, deciding to wash his hands of the whole matter and stumbled back up to his room. Murdoc led Cameron to his bed and sat her down, standing in front of her with his arms crossed. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked, more puzzled than angry. Cameron lay down and shut her eyes. "I told you, I just wanted to see you." Now, Murdoc began to feel somewhat displeased. She had no right to discard and then visit him whenever she felt like it. She couldn't call the shots. _That's my job, dammit, _he thought.

Cameron clutched her stomach and groaned, crawling into fetal position. Murdoc rolled his eyes, frustrated by his own inability to ignore the worry he felt for her despite his exasperation.

"How much have you had, Luv?" He asked, sitting on the bed next to her. He hated the almost fatherly concern in his voice.

She sighed, burying her head in his pillow. "Not enough. Bring me something to drink?" She mumbled hopefully.

Murdoc shook his head. "Is there such a thing as enough with you?"

"Don't be a hypocrite." She said. Silence. "Really, I haven't had that much." She lied. Against his better judgement, Murdoc reached under his bed, pulling out a half full bottle of rum and passing it to her. _There, _he thought, convinced. _I don't care what happens to her. I'm not her father, I'm not her boyfriend, let her get more fucked up if that's what she wants. _Cameron appreciatively took a few large sips, passing the bottle to Murdoc, who also drank, then gave it back.

"I mean it, Cameron. What do you want?" He said tiredly.

"Tha's the first time you've called me Cameron." She slurred, ignoring his question. "You usually call me "Luv" or something." She took another sip. Murdoc realized that she was right. He used pet names for almost every girl he shagged. Calling them by their real names felt too intimate. He took the bottle from Cameron, tipping the it upside down and chugging.

He flopped down on the bed beside her, looking into her pill glazed eyes. "Why do you do drugs?" He asked. Not that Murdoc had to ask _why _people did drugs in general, he knew better than anyone the limitless pleasured they brought. But he wanted to know her reasons. He wanted to satisfy his curiosity of knowing what fucked her up. He wanted to find out if his theory was correct and she really was the product of a Sebastian Jacob Niccals of her own. Cameron was silent for a few moments. "Because," she started hesitantly, "they make me feel alive and they make me feel numb. They make me happy, and they make me sad. They make me feel beautiful and ugly and important and insignificant and powerful and weak."

"Well Luv, I could have told you that."

"I don't have to think when I'm high. I can detach myself from my mind. It's easier that way. Can we go for a walk? It's really hot in here." The buzzing of voices in her ears were starting to return, and she needed air.

Murdoc shrugged, standing up. He had long since accepted the fact that he would probably not be getting any sleep tonight, though he was still not too sure he was happy about it. Part of him wanted to help Cameron, to somehow find a way to fix himself through fixing her. The other part wanted nothing to do with the strange girl who blindingly reflected his deepest insecurities, demanding acknowledgement.

The outside air was cool. Cameron had, not surprisingly, snorted some more pills before they left, and she was now clumsily walking along the curb of the sidewalk with Murdoc, occasionally tripping on imaginary pebbles and stumbling. She'd offered him some of the white powder back in his Winnie and he had accepted. He thought back on the first night they met when he'd declined her offer. _How messed up must a person be to be a bad influence on_ _me? _He thought, his musings suddenly interrupted by Cameron falling to the ground without warning, having gotten one wobbly leg tangled in the other. Murdoc helped her up, somewhat caught off guard when he saw that she was crying. "What, uh, what's wrong?" He asked uncomfortably.

Cameron's face contorted under the yellow glow of the streetlights, trying to hold back her tears. "You- you need to stop doing that." She said, her voice uneven.

"Doing what?" Murdoc had no idea what she meant.

"You can't keep being- being nice to me. It's not fair! You're making me lo-" Cameron stopped herself before she could finish her sentence. She wouldn't tell Murdoc that she loved him. "Hit me." She suddenly demanded.

"What?" Murdoc asked, flabbergasted, wondering if he'd heard her right. She was such a headfuck.

"HIT ME!" Cameron shouted wildly, "YOU HAVE TO HIT ME!" She ran at him, uselessly punching his chest with her weak fists. "I NEED TO HATE YOU!"

Murdoc restrained her. "What in Satan's name are you going on about? What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled in her face, shaking her roughly. Cameron had a crazed smile on her face. "Hit me." She repeated. "Tell me I'm worthless and that you want nothing to do with me."

"Get away from me!" Hollered Murdoc, thoroughly daunted by her lunatic behaviour. She was not to be deterred though, coming at him with more force, shrieking in his ear: "Punch me, kick me, please please please PLEASE, HIT ME, Murdoc, _please_!" Murdoc tried to back away but she kept following him, coming closer and shouting louder. "HIT ME!" She screamed. He couldn't take it anymore. He did. It wasn't hard or dramatic, just a flat slap falling dully on her face, but it stunned her into silence for a few moments. Murdoc couldn't believe it. He was no stranger to violence, but he had never once struck a girl. He mistreated women in many ways, but never this. He stepped back. _What came over me…?_ He looked at Cameron. She made him do things he didn't understand. This was her fault. A wide, maniacal grin was spreading quickly across the feline features of her face, though. She didn't look upset, she looked victorious.

"What kind of masochist are you?" He breathed, taking a step away from her.

"What kind of sadist are you?" She countered, stepping towards him.

"I ain't no sadist…" Murdoc said uncomfortably as she pressed her body up against his.

Cameron kissed him softly on the lips, testing how it made her feel. She pulled away, fury etched on her face. "GODDAMMIT!" She cried.

Murdoc was baffled. He grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Tell me what the fuck is going on, right now." He growled. Cameron panted, each one growing heavier and more audible. They weren't the pants of lust that Murdoc usually heard leaving her mouth. They were the frenzied pants of madness. Her eyes were wide, crazed, piercing. Suddenly, she tore at her hair and screamed. No, thought Murdoc, not screamed. It was something else. Like a scream, but more. Exponentially more. A scream reaching such a multitude of rage, horror, agony and torment that a word strong enough to express it did not yet exist. Thousands of chills ran up the length of Murdoc's spine. The animalistic noise was one that Murdoc often felt rising in his own throat. Sometimes he was barely able to keep it down. He was painfully aware of what suffering it took to produce such a scream. When her mouth finally closed with a pitiful and heart wrenching sob, she fell to the ground. She curled into a tight ball under a pool of light cast by the streetlight overhead and quivered.

Murdoc stood motionless, paralyzed by what he had witnessed. He finally took a step towards the shaking figure on the pavement, reaching down to touch her. Cameron flinched, then looked up at him. "I love you." She moaned painfully, each word writhing in her strangled throat before crawling out her lips like an injured animal. Murdoc's mouth fell open as his eyes fixated on the pathetic creature in front of him. She was staring piteously up at him, looking like a small, helpless kitten. Everything about her was forlorn and feeble. The dark circles under her eyes, the tear stained face, the defensive way she clutched her knees tightly to her chest, almost as if she were trying to fold herself up small enough to stop existing. Murdoc knew he should say something to the unstable girl, but words wouldn't come out of his mouth. Cameron nodded her head acceptingly and shakily stood up. She gave Murdoc a doleful smile, then raised her hand in a half-hearted wave. She turned, running away into the night as fast as her heavily sedated body would take her.

**/**

_Confusion in her eyes that says it all._

_She's lost control._

_And she's clinging to the nearest passer by,_

_She's lost control._

_And she gave away the secrets of her past,_

_And said I've lost control again,_

_And of a voice that told her when and where to act,_

_She said I've lost control again._

_And she turned around and took me by the hand_

_And said I've lost control again._

_And how I'll never know just why or understand_

_She said I've lost control again._

_And she screamed out kicking on her side_

_And said I've lost control again._

_And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die._

_She said I've lost control._

_She's lost control again._

_She's lost control._

_She's lost control again._

_She's lost control._

_Well I had to phone her friend to state my case,_

_And say she's lost control again._

_And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,_

_And said I've lost control again._

_But she expressed herself in many different ways,_

_Until she lost control again._

_And walked upon the edge of no escape,_

_And laughed I've lost control._

_She's lost control again._

_She's lost control._

_She's lost control again._

_She's lost control._

_I could live a little better with the myths and the lies,_

_When the darkness broke in, I just broke down and cried._

_I could live a little in a wider line,_

_When the change is gone, when the urge is gone,_

_To lose control. When here we come._


	10. Chapter 10

Murdoc stared after the figure disappearing into the distance. He knew that if he had been a better person, he would have gone after her. She was obviously a wreck, but the feeling of immobility from the night before had returned. He stood still with his shoulders slumped, like a crumbling copper statue that had turned green from many years of relentless weathering. When Cameron was out of sight and he realized there was nothing he could do anymore, he found himself able to move again. He dazedly stroked the prickly stubble on his face and began the walk back to Kong, head swimming with troubled thoughts. She had told him she loved him, words that no one had said genuinely in a long time, if at all. He had been caught off guard, not only by her sincerity, but because of the fact that anyone had managed to care about him at all.

He couldn't determine his own feelings, however. Murdoc knew that he felt somewhat guilty for having let her run off in her emotionally unstable state, but he didn't know how he felt about _her_, and that was the problem. He knew that declarations of love were supposed to be returned, not responded to with silence, but Murdoc had not been able to say it back, presuming without hesitation that it would have been a lie. After suppressing emotion of any kind for his entire life, he sometimes found himself unable to differentiate between certain feelings. Sometimes he couldn't tell between feeling sad and angry. Often, if he felt sad, he would simply beat up 2D or trash his Winnebago, having confused the feeling for anger. Love and lust, however, were two emotions that he constantly tried to keep separate, knowing the damage that could be caused by muddling the two. He really didn't know how he felt about Cameron. He enjoyed being with her, sometimes even when they weren't having sex, but he could never see himself planning a future with her, or changing his bad habits to please her if she asked. _And that was love, right? _Murdoc thought. As far as he knew, love was something that made you want to be a better person, to live a pure and wholesome life, something that he would never do. A person had to be able to love someone unconditionally and unselfishly. He didn't think he had in him.

Murdoc had a deep-seated feeling that if he stopped numbing his thoughts and feelings with alcohol, he would finally have a chance to sort them out. They would come rushing out like the air from a popped balloon. Maybe then he would be able to figure out how he felt about Cameron, not to mention the other people in his life. If he just took the time to think, uninterrupted and unintoxicated maybe he could get his shit straight. But Murdoc wasn't willing to stop drinking, sensing deep down that if he ceased his constant state of drunkenness and took a good look at himself, he wouldn't like what he saw. Large drops of rain had started to fall, plastering Murdoc's black hair against his forehead. He pushed it out of his eyes. He knew that Cameron was walking home in the same rain, probably feeling more miserable than him. He wished that he could have taken her back to Kong with him, to put her into his bed and make her okay. He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her goodnight. Maybe he loved her, probably he didn't. But he sure as hell cared about her.

**/**

Cameron half ran, half stumbled back to her apartment. Rain was falling and drenching her but she didn't seem to notice, or at least she didn't seem to care. Everything felt surreal. She felt detached from her body. The feet slapping the pavement were not hers, the sopping wet hair that hung limply from her head was not hers, the tears rolling down her face were not hers, the sharp pain in her chest was not hers. She cut across a street, a honking car missing her by an inch. She was past caring, though. If she were to be hit she wasn't sure she would mind too much. _And for that matter, neither would anyone else. _

She kept running. So many thoughts were whizzing through her mind that they jumbled together, making it seem as though she wasn't thinking about anything at all. She kept her eyes straight ahead, focusing all of her attention on not falling down, which she found increasingly difficult to do. Soon, her apartment appeared in front of her. She tried to quicken her pace, falling to the ground but quickly getting back up again, not noticing the blood which had begun oozing out of her left knee. Finally, she reached the side entrance door of her building, slamming it shut behind her and scrambling up the stairs.

It wasn't until she was in her room that she realized what she had been rushing to: her stash. She vaguely knew what she was about to do, but was unconcerned by the consequences. She was already on risky ground with the amount of pills she'd taken in the past few hours. She crushed more, almost sobbing in relief when she felt the familiar burn shooting up her nostrils. She did two lines, then three, then four. She kept going until she had emptied the bag, rolling onto her mattress and sprawling herself out. Tingling immediately started to spread through her arms and legs and her core began to feel warm. She lay for a few minutes, hypnotic repose washing over her. She shut off her brain, needing a break from the churning thoughts that had painfully occupied her head. The comfortable warmth gradually turned into searing heat, however, and she began to sweat.

She took off her jacket, throwing it onto the floor and getting off the mattress to go to the bathroom. She peed then washed her hands, splashing cold water on her face, trying to get her body temperature down to normal. She knew that she'd taken too many pills. She'd known even before she took them. Her breaths began coming to her in short gasps, her airways feeling tight and constrictive. She exhaled shakily, swaying back to her mattress and lying down. Cameron wasn't sure if she'd actually meant to overdose, or merely numb the pain. Either way, the sleepiness was becoming impossible to fight, and she knew her fate was more or less sealed. If she could find the strength to call out, maybe someone would hear her. But she wasn't sure that she would have called for help even if she could. Somewhere along the line, death had lost its intimidation. It was, after all, just sleep. Peaceful, dreamless slumber, free from the cruelty and pain of the world. Away from her cold-hearted family and the man who didn't love her. She unresistingly gave herself up to the darkness, her own mortality. _I guess now I can find out what happens… _

This wasn't how Cameron thought she would die. Being someone who contemplated death a lot, she had a number of scenarios sketched out in her head of how she might go. Lying sad and alone from a drug overdose before she had even turned 18 was not one of them. _Life was funny that way, _she thought drowsily with a sad smile. If she had the energy, she might have laughed at the irony of her situation: a pill-junkie teen from a religious family overdosing because she'd fallen in love with the man she was fucking. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rocked slowly back and forth, trying to comfort herself.

She thought of her family. They probably would never know what happened to her, as she doubted her death would be significant enough to make it into the papers. They would have told her it was a sin to kill herself if they'd had the chance, that she would never make it to heaven that way. Her parents wouldn't have held her in their arms and told her how much they loved her. They wouldn't have told her that she had so much to live for and that she was a bright and beautiful young girl and all those empty things that she still would have needed to hear. She wondered who Phil from the diner would replace her with. She hoped whoever it was would remember to check under the tables for gum every evening. If you let it dry on and pile up, it was even harder to get off. She thought about Murdoc, who had once been with her on this very mattress. She hoped he had gotten home without getting too wet, and that he was safe and warm in his bed. _Maybe he's thinking about me too_, she thought sleepily. A single tear rolled down her cheek. _Probably not_. It made her sad that she would never see him again, but the fact that it wouldn't make him sad made it easier to let go of herself, to pass into oblivion. The tingling in her arms and legs had gone, and she wasn't sure that she could feel them anymore. Or any part of her body, for that matter. Every time she blinked, it was increasingly difficult to pull her eyelids back up.

Though she couldn't see it, all of the colour had left her face and was replaced by a sickly grey. Beneath her closed eyelids, only the whites of her eyes were visible. Soon, she slipped out of consciousness. She didn't wake up.

**/**

**A/N: Probably going to end the story soon. I might write one or two more chapters.**


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

The sun was just coming up in the sky when Murdoc pulled his car into the parking lot beside Cameron's apartment. He'd stayed up all night, wrestling with what to do and finally realized that he had to say something to her. He still didn't know what, but hiding in his Winnebago wasn't going to help him figure it out. He was hungover, but he had resisted the urge to drink the headache away before he left to see her. He needed a clear mind for this. He got out of the Geep and walked up the stairs to her floor, pausing outside the door to her room. He anxiously wiped his face with a green hand, clearing his throat and knocking on the door. No answer. He knocked louder. "'Ey Cameron?" He whispered hoarsely, pressing an ear against the thin wood. Still nothing. He put a hand on the knob, surprised when it twisted all the way around and opened the door with a long creak. "Cam-" Murdoc stopped short, the words catching in his throat.

She was curled up on the mattress, taking up almost no space at all. She looked tiny with her knees hugged to her chest and shoulders hunched forward. She was just as disheveled as usual, black streaks ran from her eyes to her pale jawline and her tangled golden hair shining in the first morning rays of sun was the only part of her that looked alive. _She must still be asleep, _thought Murdoc, stooping to pick up her jacket. He'd intended to cover her with it, but while laying it over her, his hand brushed against her bare arm. It was freezing cold. Icy uneasiness and disbelief filled his chest. He looked at the empty plastic bag on the mattress beside her. _No… _he thought, feeling nothing when he checked the pulse in her neck with two long fingers. His eyes widened and he took a step back. It wasn't possible, she was a fucking child, she couldn't be dead. Any second now, her eyes would pop open and she would laugh, "I got you Murdoc, ha ha! Fooled you!" His gaze stayed on her, waiting for movement. He stood watching her for almost ten minutes. She didn't move an inch.

Murdoc was numb, rendered completely unfeeling by the shock. He ran a hand through his hair, pacing the room. His thoughts were surprisingly clear, untainted by emotion of any kind. He had to call someone about the body, of course. The idea of her rotting here for who knew how long, flesh becoming mouldy and green, turned his stomach. He took out his cell phone, calling the emergency operator. He gave her an address and hung up before she could ask any questions. The police would be arriving soon, he had to leave. Not because he was afraid of being arrested, it was clear that Cameron had killed herself or overdosed or something. But Murdoc wasn't ready to deal with such a reality. He could picture her small apartment filled with police officers, a coroner putting her body into a white bag. That would make the situation seem too true. He knelt on the floor beside her mattress, brushing the hair away from her face. He'd miss her. A lot. He'd finally figured it out, though a bit too late. They could have had something. Maybe one day, he could have learned to love. He kissed her softly on the forehead and left, first walking then running to the Geep and speeding down the street.

_**Three Months Later**_

Murdoc was sitting in his Geep outside the abandoned factory he'd taken Cameron to a few nights before she died. It felt like years ago. Murdoc had thought about the circumstances surrounding her death a lot in the past few months. He wondered if she really _had _killed herself. It wouldn't have been too surprising. If that was the case, he gathered, it had probably been his fault on some level. Most things were, he'd begun to notice. He hoped for the sake of his conscience that wasn't the case, but he knew he could never be certain. Some days, that was okay, some days, it wasn't. He'd been drinking a lot, and had taken up the habit of snorting a few lines of Oxys before bed. In the past week or so, a few when he woke up, too. He rarely left his Winnebago and spent most of his time listening to Tom Waits and staring off into space.

He ignored his bandmates completely. Luckily they hadn't seemed to notice anything too worrisome or strange in his behaviour, and for that, he was grateful. In the rare instance that he did leave Kong, it was to come here. He pulled a warm bottle of beer from the glove compartment and yanked off the cap before emptying the entire thing down his throat. He tossed the bottle to the ground near the base of a large Oak tree. A pile had been accumulating there since her death, a kind of memorial. Murdoc wiped his mouth, opening another beer and toasting the sky, then after a moment's hesitation, the ground. "Good luck, Cameron. Wherever you are." He muttered. He eventually fell asleep, dreaming that she was in the passenger seat beside him.

_**The End**_

**A/N: Okay, so there it is. My first Fanfiction. I'm not entirely satisfied with it but I had the idea and it wouldn't leave my head until I wrote it down. A few things:**

**1) If you found the ending abrupt or unsatisfying, let me know because I might write a part two where Cameron is a ghost or Murdoc visits her in hell, if that's where I decide to put her. Or even a short prequel that deals with Murdoc and Cameron's lives before they met. But only if it's requested, I don't want to overdo the plot so I'll just leave it as is for now. **

**2) I'm also considering writing an entirely different Gorillaz story, if you have have requests/suggestions let me know because honestly, I have a very limited number of ideas. I might do something friend-shippy or humorous between Russel and Del because I think they're pretty cool or I was thinking MAYBE a 2DxOC but I feel like that would require mushiness and I'd probably shit all over it because I'm not sure I have the ability to write a real heart-warming romance. Let me know if you'd be the slightest bit interested in reading either of these things. **

**3) Thanks to the people who left nice reviews or personal messages, I seriously appreciated them. I just want to give you oral sex or cake or something. You're the best.**

**Well that's about it, personal message me any ideas or suggestions for a new story. Okay, bye.**


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